Let’s talk

Let’s talk

Isn’t it strange that instant response to your “how are you?” comes as “I am fine”, almost always. This positive response comes even if you are not fine. Why this is so? Frankly, I don’t know the reason behind this automatic response. Is it because you feel that the other person does not really wish to know and they are just asking you for the heck of it.   Or this is just because you don’t trust them to really share your problems. Another popular perception is that if you share your original response or you are honest in your response you might be unnecessarily burdening them with the additional emotional load.

The unfortunate reality of this shadowed response or not sharing your problems with other people stops you from building a strong connection with them. The core is that someone needs to start sharing problems somewhere to ease the mental load.

Just like everyone else, I have a friend with whom I meet regularly and engage in a joyful and funny conversation without going into the private and emotional stuff of life. Until recently, it was very formal and superficial. Something strange happened one day when I was going through a lot and it was getting really difficult for me to hold emotions. Thankfully, I met this particular friend and I  started sharing my problems with her. She showed some uneasiness initially but she heard me attentively. Frankly, I wasn’t sure if sharing was the right thing to do or not. But, I felt relaxed and more connected.

Then next time when we met she shared with me her problems and I was shocked to know that she was going through a lot in her life. It was the moment when I realized that we have a deeper connection, beyond the normal joyful conversation. Now, I can say we have a strong bond based on trust and truth. Not intended, but I took the first step and shared my feelings and it just made her also feel comfortable enough to share her problems, as well. I personally feel that we all wish to have such friends with whom we could share emotions, naturally. Unfortunately, social conditioning and human biases force us to think beyond normal and we stop sharing emotions openly. We humans evolved through cooperation and collaboration, but in the survival race, we lost our basic human trait of compassion.

If you are one among those who are hesitant in sharing problems with close friends then I would ask you to go deeper and ask yourself why is that you find it difficult to share. If it is about trust issue then you need to reorient yourself as the world isn’t that bad as it looks. If you feel you don’t have good friends then again you have to look inwards and seek answers about what is the missing element. Keep your energy level high, because it is your vibe that attracts your tribe.
Frankly, finding friends is one of the simplest things in the world only if you know who you are and what makes you unique. The process of finding these answers will automatically attract like-minded people towards you. Friendship is not just about finding the person but your passion to nourish the relationship in the most natural way. We always feel that the world is unfair but trust me most of the time it is our own biases that create blockages.

Understanding those subtle biases is the first step in the direction to remove those trust barriers. Once you get rid of those barriers you will be more open to friendship and build stronger relationships. Some very subtle social biases are black-white, rich-poor, beautiful-ugly, religion, practices, etc. Just remove them and you will see hundreds of open arms welcoming you to be friends. I have done so and I can say it with authority that nothing works better than the purity of the heart.
If you are lucky to have good friends but you feel uncomfortable in sharing your problems then you can start by just journaling. This is an age-old and most effective way of managing emotions and stress. Once you start penning down your problems you feel much relaxed and confident. This will push your energy level to the next level and you will feel more motivated and be more comfortable sharing your problems.

So, please go out there and share your problems and help the other person feel that even you are there for them and create a long-lasting bond.